Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Power Rangers Movie Retrospective (Part 1): Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1995)

So, when I originally reviewed the trailer for the new Power Rangers movie, I decided that I probably wasn't going to watch it. But, I changed my mind - I figured it would be a cool thing for the blog if I were to review not only that movie, but also the other two Power Rangers movies from the 90s, and then compare them all. I'm probably not going to pay any money for the new one, though. Just sayin'. Anyway, let's start at the beginning, at the 1995 Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers movie.

Now, I need to say a few things in the interest of full disclosure. I fucking love this movie, unironically, unapologetically. I saw this movie multiple times when it was in theaters, bought it immediately after it came out on VHS, and have probably seen it a hundred times. Nostalgia has completely impeded my ability to give any sort of objective review to this thing. That being said, I'll at least try not to sound like an idiot fanboy - despite my nostalgia, I genuinely believe, for a Power Rangers movie, it's everything it needs to be.

I assume anyone reading this is already familiar enough with Power Rangers to not need me to explain the plot, but I do need to say one thing up front. Much like, say, most of the Dragon Ball Z movies, this movie is totally non-canon. It's a stand alone story that exists purely to be awesome. Anyway, onto the movie!

Like I said in my earlier blog post, the movie starts, after a brief overview of the history of the Power Rangers, with a goddamn skydiving scene set to the Red Hot Chili Peppers covering Stevie Wonder.

This scene has absolutely fucking nothing to do with anything that comes after it, yet to me, it's emblematic of why I love the movie so much. It's ridiculous spectacle (emphasis on ridiculous), it knows it, and it revels in it. This is why I, and so many others my age, fell in love with Power Rangers in the '90s, and the movie nails it in literally the first scene.

During this initial skydiving scene, two of the divers, the lovable idiots Bulk and Skull, wind up landing in a massive construction site, where workers inadvertently unearth the prison-pod of an ancient force of evil called Ivan Ooze. Zordon tries to warn the Rangers about Ooze, but Lord Zedd and company end up freeing him before they can do anything about it.



A word about this guy. Yes, his name is dumb, and hardly suggests the primeval galactic terror the movie makes him out to be. But honestly, he's probably one of the most effective Power Rangers villains I've seen, especially thus far in the series. See, most Power Rangers villains, though billed as evil, come across as more goofy and incompetent than threatening, because it's a kids show and we can't scare those precious precious childrens watching every week! Lord Zedd is the perfect example of this philosophy in action: at the beginning of Season 2, he was legitimately frightening. So frightening, in fact, that parents requested that they make him less scary, and, goddammit, Saban caved. After that he basically became the male Rita Repulsa.

Ivan Ooze, for whatever reason, completely avoids that pitfall. Sure, he's goofy and cracks jokes, but he's also genuinely psychotic. This is a guy who will reference The Brady Bunch reunion while causing massive collateral damage, and who will eventually order a group of brainwashed adults to commit suicide because he's bored with them. Seriously. His bizarre sense of humor seems less like they're trying to tone him down, and more like they're trying to make him a genuine threat - the goofy references he makes completely divorce him from the moral darkness of his actions. There are probably a good number of real life psychopaths who act kind of like he does.

Anyway, he wakes up, and sends his ooze henchmen to fight the Rangers in the construction site. This is the first real action scene of the movie, but damn, do they keep coming after this. The majority of this movie is action scenes - I count six actual action scenes, but if we include things like the skydiving scene, the rollerblading scene (again, completely unnecessary, but ridiculous spectacle), and the parent suicide scene, we can bump it up to nine, and I may have even miscounted. Again, this is good - the filmmakers know exactly why one watches a Power Rangers movie.

At this point we get to see the big-screen versions of the Power Rangers suits. Here they are.



As you can see, they look a bit more metallic than the TV versions, but unlike the upcoming movie, which radically alters the original design, these suits keep it close to what we see on TV. They even duplicate the ridiculous whooshing sound every time one of them moves one of their arms, which is a small but awesome touch.

While these fights are going on, Ivan Ooze invades the Command Center, destroying it, and nearly killing Zordon in the process. Yes, Zordon is actually brought to the edge of death here. Therein lies the main thrust of the plot - the Rangers must travel across the universe to the planet of Phaedos, retrieve new powers capable of reviving Zordon, and use those powers to kill Ivan Ooze.

Now, besides being among the most epic plots ever conceived for a children's film, notice what the filmmakers did here. They created a plot in which their mentor almost fucking dies, but does it in such a way that doesn't seem dark or edgy. Zordon's death is simply treated as sad, and the Rangers react as if, as Kimberly mentions, they're losing a father. This is all we need - to introduce an element of cynicism into the equation would just ruin it. Instead, it drives the Rangers to do what seems like the impossible, and the rest of the movie is, in fact, them attempting their epic quest.

I don't know how much more I need to say about the plot - obviously, the Rangers make it to Phaedos, and succeed in their trial to get their new powers. One of the fights on Phaedos sees them pitted against reincarnated dinosaur bones - again, no logical reason for it to be there, but it makes it that much more awesome.

On Earth, Ivan Ooze brainwashes a bunch of the local parents to dig up and reassemble a pair of giant robots that will, of course, because this is Power Rangers, be used in the final Zord battle. After they're done constructing them is when he flippantly tells them to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff - of course, they're saved in the end, because I don't think anyone on planet earth would allow a theatrically released children's film to feature a scene of mass suicide.

The final battle, as I said, is between Ivan Ooze's two massive robots and the Rangers' new Ninja Zords. There is, unfortunately, an issue here, and it's because the filmmakers decided to use CG for all the robots in the movie. Remember, this was made in 1995, so if you're expecting it to look good, then no.



Yeah, it hasn't aged too gracefully, and I'm pretty sure that primitive CG is the reason why the robots move around so stiffly. It would have probably looked better if they had just stuck with physical models like the TV show did, but then, I suppose they wanted to show off their big budget, and in 1995 this was the way to do it. Maybe it worked back then, but 22 years later? Not so much.

I'm willing to forgive it, though. After all, the fight ends with the Rangers and a massive Ivan Ooze/Robot hybrid flying into space, with the Rangers using a fucking comet as a weapon to kill him. Yes, we've already been across the universe once, but going back into space one more time is the proper way to end the fight. And I couldn't be happier about that.

As we all expected, Ivan Ooze is killed and Zordon in restored. The movie ends with the entire city of Angel Grove in celebration, watching a massive fireworks show while Van Halen's Dreams plays in the background.



You wanna know another reason why this movie is great? It's the only thing on planet earth that can turn a Sammy Hagar-era Van Halen song into something positive. That's something I never in a billion years thought could ever happen.

So yes, this entry is becoming unwieldy in its length, and honestly there are probably a lot of things I could still add. But I don't want to bog everyone down - really, I just wanted to talk about why I love this movie. It's not a masterpiece, but it isn't attempting to be in any conceivable way. All it's trying to do is be entertaining, action packed, epic, and a little bit absurd. Or, to put it another way, all it's trying to do is be a Power Rangers movie. And it succeeds on every level.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Anime Roulette #6: Chrono Trigger


Logically, Role Playing Games should make for excellent anime adaptations. I mean, come on: an enormous quest to save the world, epic battles, gorgeous fantasy settings (or sci-fi, if you're like Star Ocean or Xenosaga), they certainly would appear to have all the necessary elements to make a great movie or TV Show. But alas, reality does not always follow logic - anime adaptations of RPGs may have a better track record than anime adaptations of fighting games (though that really isn't saying much), but not by a whole lot. We have some great things, like Persona 4, but overall the landscape is exceptionally bleak. The Xenosaga TV series is a goddamn mess. The Fire Emblem OVA sounds like it was written by a 7 year old. And Final Fantasy? Well shit, it has over 20 years of anime adaptations, and most of them are pretty fucking terrible!
Yes friends, that's supposed to be a chocobo.
Somewhere in this depressing bulk of RPG adaptations lies Chrono Trigger. If you've never heard of Chrono Trigger, you're seriously missing out - it's not only considered one of the greatest RPGs of all time, but is often brought up as a contender for one of the greatest video games ever made. It's a goddamn incredible tale of a boy who travels back and forth through time to not only fix the conflicts of various historical eras, but eventually save the world from a gigantic alien parasite (trust me, it's cooler than my description would suggest). I could easily spend an entire blog post describing how great this game is,  but for the sake of brevity, I'll just say: buy it, emulate it, do whatever you want, just find some way to play it, alright?

The game was an immediate success both in Japan and the US, so in 1996, just one year after its release, Production IG decided to make a Chrono Trigger anime. It had all the potential to be a blockbuster: Chrono Trigger itself already has all the elements of a classic fantasy tale, and Production IG was hot off the runaway success of the first Ghost in the Shell movie. So did it become a blockbuster? Oh my god, not even fucking close.

Unlike most of the other shows I've written about for Anime Roulette, this one is actually on YouTube, so by all means, before reading the rest of this entry, watch it for yourself:


So, let's get the obvious out of the way. Chrono Trigger probably took me about 30 hours to beat, and that includes the seven side quests at the end. This anime is, in total...16 minutes. Yeah, they're not even going to attempt to tell the entire story. But hey! That's alright! There are so many great portions of the game they could animate! The escape from Guardia Castle, the fall of Zeal, the siege of the Tyrano Lair, my god, I could go on and on! What they decided on in the end was...The Millennial Fair?

As I said in my Final Fantasy XV post, The Millennial Fair is the first area of the game, where you're introduced to the characters and get the opportunity to play some fun little mini games. Ultimately, it's a well constructed tutorial, and that's all it's trying to be. In the context of the game, it works, but really, it's the least Chrono Trigger aspect of Chrono Trigger, and so it's ironic that this is what the creators of a Chrono Trigger OVA decide to focus on.

But it's not just about the Millennial Fair. You see, two minutes in, the sun goes down, the humans go to sleep, and...the monsters come out and take over the fair. Yes, the entire OVA is going to focus on the goddamn wacky hijinks of a group of monsters at The Millennial Fair that goes on when the humans aren't around - basically, it's the plot of a shitty early 2000s Dreamworks animated film.

This is what Colonel Kurtz saw at the end of Apocalypse Now.
Honestly though, that's giving it a little too much credit. To say this movie has a plot is almost a flat out lie - things just kind of happen one after the other without much rhyme or reason. And none of it is entertaining. A group of monsters argue about a dance contest, because WACKY!!!


Another group of monsters has a drinking contest, again because WACKY! Though I must give it credit, that scene does have the closest thing this movie has to a funny joke - the little white monster pulls out an SNES controller and starts button mashing the A button in an attempt to get the other monster to win. It works because that's what you do in the game itself, so at least I know these guys have played the game. Though that begs the question - if they played the game, why the hell did they choose to turn it into this?


The last half of the movie focuses primarily on Gato, he has metal joints, beat him up and you win silver points. Though I should point out he's actually called Gonzalez here, because that was his original name in the Japanese release. Anyway, some of the monsters draw on him when he's turned off, then later he goes crazy and running around, and ends up setting a bunch of things on fire, because, can you guess why?

Arson is WACKY AS FUCK.
This is kind of how it all ends. After all the destruction, Gato passes out in the middle of the square. And then, in what's without question the most insulting scene in the entire film, the main characters from the game look out in him, ostensibly in confusion, though we can't actually see because we're shown them from the back. This is the only trace of any of Chrono Trigger's main characters, and they're on screen for 30 seconds and don't say one word.


I'm not going to mince words here: I fucking hated this movie. A 16 minute short film should not have made me as angry as I feel now, but somehow Chrono Trigger did it. It is actually impressive how many things they got wrong - the jokes were atrocious, the tone was insulting, the focus was nowhere close to where it should have been, the animation was ass - really, the only thing I can commend this movie on is it's music, and that's solely because they just took the cracks from the game and inserted them wholesale. Yasunori Mitsuda can do no wrong, but even his score wasn't enough to make this bearable.

This is a movie I can honestly recommend to nobody. Fans of the game are obviously going to feel insulted watching this - anyone who appreciates comedy is best served elsewhere - maybe, maybe if you've got a really young child, the kind of child who thinks Minions is the bestest movie ever, then maybe they'll like watching all the monsters scream things and run around. But if you have a kid like that, really, you owe it to them to expand their horizons - for the fuck's sake, show them My Neighbor Totoro if they haven't already seen it. For everyone else: STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE. I can honestly say this is one of the worst things I have ever seen, and as someone who's seen Battlefield Earth multiple times - hell, as someone who does bad anime panels at multiple conventions every year, that's not an honor I throw around lightly.