That Damn Ghost in the Shell Trailer

As of now, the most popular entry on the blog is where I talk about the trailer for the upcoming Power Rangers movie. Because my ego demands more blog views, I thought I'd boost my view count by discussing another trailer for a movie whose existence confuses the fuck out of me, Ghost In The Shell.

Ghost in the Shell has been a bona fide phenomenon among American anime fandom since the first Mamoru Oshii film was released in 1995. This is, to me, a completely bizarre fact. Granted, anime fandom in the mid '90s was still largely comprised of uber-nerdy, twenty and thirty something computer science majors - this would be beneficial for Ghost in the Shell's success. But Oshii's film is, even for that audience, seemingly inaccessible. It's an art film, pure and simple - a philosophical treatise that occasionally masquerades as an action thriller. There's no rhyme or reason why this movie should have been as popular as it was, and, in many respects, still is. I'm not complaining about this by any means - it's a great movie that deserves its accolades. But so many people seem to categorize Ghost in the Shell as this epoch-defining work of '90s anime - I can't help seeing it as a very, very lucky fluke.

Moving into the 21st Century, the Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex TV series was another massive hit when it debuted on Adult Swim in 2004. This I can understand a bit more - it retained some of the philosophizing of the Oshii movie, but balanced it out with generous portions of procedural drama, political intrigue, and a lot more action. It achieved the rare balance of being both cerebral and accessible, and is hailed, as it should be, as one of the greatest anime TV series of the 2000s. That same year, Oshii's sequel film, Innocence, was released, and can be described as being like the first film raised to the tenth power. It was also successful, despite almost going out of its way to alienate the average viewer.

I'm not going to discuss the original Ghost in the Shell manga, because Masamune Shirow is a complete hack whose success rests solely because his works have been made into animated features that are infinitely superior. I'm also not going to discuss Ghost in the Shell: Arise, the newest animated adaptation, simply because I haven't seen it yet. I've heard good things, though. Either way, the point of all this is to establish the presence Ghost in the Shell has made for itself in the US. Its success is above and beyond 99% of all other anime to have ever been released here.

Which brings us, finally, to the upcoming Ghost in the Shell film.

I'm not going to mince words: the existence of this movie is nothing short of baffling to me. To my knowledge, Hollywood has been trying to make this into a film since the late '90s, after the success of Oshii's film. It wasn't until 2008, when Dreamworks snagged the rights, that it became a concrete reality. Such drive to make a live action adaptation never made sense. I mentioned before that Ghost in the Shell is a phenomenon in American anime fandom. Even if we're to discount my notion that its success is a complete fluke, notice how I said it's a phenomenon in American anime fandom. We may have big conventions all over the country, but the fact is we're a pretty small percentage of people - outside of our fandom, very few people even know what Ghost in the Shell is. If they do, it's probably in the context of being one of the inspirations for The Matrix Trilogy. I'm guessing the decision to produce this movie is based on a mix of all that: anime is a fairly popular thing, and the Matrix movies made a lot of money once upon a time. This is still pretty risky, considering A) The Matrix is nearly 20 years old, and kind of fell from grace once the two sequels were released, and B) most anime movies released thus far have neither been successful nor good. In spite of everything, I guess I'm glad they're taking it though, since, if done right, a Ghost in the Shell movie could be great, simply because the source material itself is great.

The key is "if done right." There have been a lot of different versions of Ghost in the Shell made over the years - which one is the movie going to model itself after? Shirow's manga is so shitty that it's almost guaranteed to be out the window. Oshii's movie, as great as it is, simply doesn't have the mainstream appeal to translate into success - and, quite frankly, without an Oshii caliber director at the helm, it would be a complete disaster. I would assume a Stand Alone Complex-like adaptation, with its blend of cerebral futurism and intense action, would be the most successful. It would probably be the most satisfying, as Stand Alone Complex is arguably the best version of Ghost in the Shell to have been made thus far.

Even if it takes such a foundation, looking at the creative team behind the movie, I, unfortunately, have very little faith. Rupert Sanders is directing the film - the only other movie Rupert Sanders has ever directed is Snow White and the Huntsmen. That's a terrible resume, and it honestly makes me wonder how he managed to get the gig directing this movie in the first place. The main screenwriter, Jonathan Herman, was the screenwriter of Straight Outta Compton. That's a good movie, don't get me wrong - but that's also his only other film credit, and one wonders if the subject matter of Ghost in the Shell is too much for him to handle.

With all that being said, let's move on to the trailer itself. Here it is for those of you who want to watch along with me.

We start off with a short sequence of someone (we're not told who) walking inside a fancy Japanese-style office dressed in a bizarre geisha costume.

I don't know if this image is supposed to make me feel unsettled, but that's exactly what it did. Meanwhile, The Major, played by Scarlett Johansson, waits on top of a skyscraper, ostensibly the same one the office is in. Both scenes descend to chaos immediately, and both need to be taken in detail on their own. In the office building, a massive firefight breaks out, and this entire firefight is, I shit you not, shot in bullet time. It's extraordinarily bizarre, in 2016, to see a firefight shot in bullet time without a hint of irony. Let me go further with this - I mentioned earlier that Ghost in the Shell was a major inspiration for The Matrix Trilogy - is the cinematography intentionally trying to mirror that, in an attempt to do some sort of full circle, it's like poetry sort of thing? Just watching the trailer makes it impossible to know. All I know is the fight scene didn't impress me - primarily because so much of it was filmed from above the actor's heads, like it was Grand Theft Auto 2 or something.

Let's go on to the parallel scene. The major stands on top of the skyscraper, slowly turns her back to the edge, leans back, and falls.

The problem with this scene won't be clear to you if you haven't seen Oshii's film. This scene is a more or less shot-for-shot recreation of the first scene of the 1995 movie. Even if you haven't seen Ghost in the Shell, if you're an anime fan, you've probably seen footage of Major Kusanagi's fall. It's one of the most iconic scenes in anime history.

I'm wondering: why the hell are they recreating this scene from Oshii's film? Are they trying to actually remake that film? Are they just borrowing the scene as fan service, because it's so iconic? If that's their philosophy, it's a pretty lazy way to make a film, and I'm concerned the movie will just become an assemblage of fan service, kind of like how some people criticize JJ Abrams' Star Trek films as being much the same. If their philosophy is trying to remake Oshii's film, all I can say is good luck. But I don't think that's what they're doing - there's simply far too much action for that to be the case.

What makes this trailer so hard to talk about is that they really don't give away ANY of the plot. We would expect that to come next, but no - instead, we're given a series of, again, unsettling images of the city, with Johansson narrating cryptically in the background. I'll give them credit - some of the images are genuinely uncomfortable, like this one of a massive apartment complex.

The sprawl, the claustrophobic intimacy of the buildings - this is a wonderful image of the kind of cyberpunk dystopia that Ghost in the Shell has brought us since 1989. The other images of the city are also pretty cool, though I will say - unlike Blade Runner, which more or less took place entirely at night, this movie seems to take place entirely before a rainstorm. The sky is nearly always grey - I don't know if this is supposed to add to the atmosphere, but I just found it boring.

Moving on - I need to talk about Johansson's performance. I know she's supposed to be a cyborg going through some sort of existential crisis - that warrants an understated performance, sure. But Johansson's delivery - it's robotic in the worst way - I don't feel anything listening to her monologue. This doesn't bode well for the finished product. If the trailer is anything to go by, Johansson's character is going to dominate the film's run time. Having to listen to her drone on for however long this movie's going to be will be nothing less than a chore.

The rest of the trailer more or less consists of two things - action scenes, and more borrowings from Oshii's film. There's a very long and detailed recreation of The Major's awakening, again from the opening of the 1995 movie. Those of you who have seen it will no doubt remember this:

Yeah, it seems that entire scene is going to be included in this movie. I won't spend much time on this, since I'll likely repeat what I've said previously - all I'll say is that it doesn't make me feel any different about the idea of composing an entire film using nothing but fan service.

This part of the trailer requires the least amount of discussion, since it's more or less action, action, action. Some of it isn't bad, but there isn't a ton to write home about. A few things, though. The one other main character we get a real glimpse of is Batou, and I have to say, I cannot fucking stand how he looks in this movie. He literally looks like a third rate cosplayer who started crafting his costume a night before the start of a convention.

He's also a white guy, playing a character named Batou. That's all I'll say of the matter.

Another thing - the song they chose to play throughout the entire second half of the trailer is an absolutely atrocious cover of Depeche Mode's Enjoy The Silence. Seriously, the song reminded me of all those horrible nu metal covers of classic rock songs that seemed omnipresent in the early 2000s. Remember when Limp Bizkit decided to cover The Who's Behind Blue Eyes? Or Korn covering Another Brick in the Wall? Fuck, what a horrible time for music that was. In any case, if that's the kind of music they think best fits the trailer, are we to expect a similar atmosphere throughout the movie? If there's one thing Ghost in the Shell should not be associated with, it's shitty Middle School Metal - simply living in a dystopian future is dark enough to not require it being punctuated by this trash.

You may have noticed this blog went on a bit longer than usual. That's because this trailer raised in me feelings I've rarely felt while watching a goddamn film trailer. Usually, one of two things happen: I either decide I want to see the movie in question, or, in the case of the Power Rangers Movie, I decide I don't. I came into the Ghost in the Shell trailer confused and not knowing how to feel - coming out of it, I feel the same, only amplified tenfold. There are good facets that shine through on occasion, but so much of it is a mishmash of different things that may very well refuse to join together cohesively. Part of me thinks that this movie could be a disaster on the level of Battlefield Earth. Yet another thinks something in it is salvageable. I don't know, and the trailer did nothing to help guide my feelings. And that's fucking infuriating.

I'll end this entry the same way I did for Power Rangers: based on this trailer, am I going to see Ghost in the Shell? I feel like I need to, but not because I have any genuine faith in the final product. This movie fascinates me, and I need to know just how it's going to end, for better or for worse. Thankfully, Ghost in the Shell's pedigree in the US is so prestigious that, even if it does become the first bad Ghost in the Shell adaptation ever made, it won't damage the franchise one bit. It could, however, easily destroy Rupert Sanders' career. But maybe we'd be better off that way.

Anime Roulette #3: Chronus

When I started this blog, I didn't necessarily intend for it to focus on one terrible thing after another. It's no surprise that I'm a fan of terrible things, but hey, I'm a well-balanced guy, I like awesome things too! But when looking over the posts thus far, I came to the horrible realization that THE BEST THING I'VE TALKED ABOUT SO FAR IS THE FUCKING STAR WARS PREQUEL TRILOGY. You know, these movies.

Yes, this clip is so important that it needs to be featured in two of my posts. Anyway, I realize I'm probably overdue for talking about something good for a change. So I was pleasantly surprised when, as I chose a new movie for Anime Roulette, I actually landed on something pretty cool, a short film from 2014 called Chronus.

Chronus is one of the entries in something called the Young Animator Training Project. This is a cool project, funded by the Japanese Government's Agency for Cultural Affairs, that helps train new generations of leaders in the anime industry by giving them the opportunity to create cool little short films. In a sense, it's an ongoing anthology film bankrolled by the government. Chronus in particular was animated by the guys at Studio 4C and directed by Naoyuki Onda - this is a guy who's been around for decades, working on animation and character designs on everything from the To-Y OVA to the new Berserk film trilogy, but this is the first time he's actually been given the opportunity to direct a project of his own.

Giving a basic plot synopsis, Chronus kind of sounds like a rip-off of Bleach: we have a guy named Makoto, who, for some reason, has the power to see grim reapers. This more or less means he's able to see who is going to die before they actually die. Such a power necessarily means that death more or less follows him everywhere, which can lead to some unintentionally funny visuals.

Look in the corner. I feel horrible for laughing at this, but I can't help it.

While many people would probably break down by being unable to escape death, Makoto develops into a kind of stoic: since he's unable to do anything to control death, he more or less stops caring and just lets it happen. This, as can be expected, gives him a rather cold disposition, for better or for worse.

Aside from Makoto, the other major character we're introduced to is his childhood friend Hazuki. While it's implied that the two were fairly close as children, at this point in their lives, Hazuki has done quite a bit of personal growth - she's being actively recruited by NASA (even though she's still in high school - honestly, this seemed a bit more unbelievable than Makoto's ability to see grim reapers) and, most importantly, she's casually seeing a college guy. Even our stoic hero isn't able to keep his cool while thinking of Hazuki dating an older guy.

The bathtub: the best place to let out your bitterness.

We're given a scene of our two heroes having a long discussion - their first, it would seem, in a fairly long time. We see just how far the two have drifted - the two used to hold hands when they were kids, but hand-holding is now discredited as childish and embarrassing. More than anything, we see that the two of them are now living in two very different worlds - we hear so much about Hazuki's accomplishments but next to nothing of what's going on in Makoto's life.

I was, at first, somewhat at a loss regarding why the movie is called Chronus (the name comes from the Greek personification of time), but after watching this scene, I think I have a better idea. Because of his curse, time has more or less stopped for Makoto. Not only does he not see the point in intervening with regards to death, but that seems to have carried over to all other areas of his life as well - he has no prospects, no dreams, no thoughts of the future at all. Hazuki, in opposition, is living a full life in the present and has her future more or less fully mapped out ahead of her. She has seemingly infinite time - Makoto has next to none.

This makes what happens next all the more ironic. While it doesn't seem like Makoto can survive for much longer given his attitude, it turns out that one of the grim reapers has targeted Hazuki for premature death. In what seems like an instant, the girl falls into a coma, with her prospects for survival growing smaller and smaller. Suddenly, Makoto needs to make some tough decisions - if he continues on his stoic path and refuses to speak truth to the power of death, his childhood friend and love interest is going to die in front of him. His tough exterior actually crumbles instantaneously when faced with the prospect of death.

This is the real heart and soul of Chronus, and I was surprised it went in the direction it did. After thinking it was going to be some sort of meditation on fate and death, it rather suddenly shows its true colors: it's a love story, and a story of personal self discovery using death and fate as the impetus for growth. This, perhaps, makes the story more simple (or in the eyes of some, gasp, more typical), but honestly, I think it was a good decision. At only 30 minutes, I don't think there was enough time to develop the story into some in-depth examination on death. However, there was just enough time to turn it into a rather surprising story of young love.

If there's one thing about the story I didn't like, it's the ending, and how long it took. There's one scene in particular where Makoto is forced to travel through this spirit world in order to reclaim Hazuki's soul.

It's a cool looking scene, but honestly, we more or less know what's going to happen at this point, so there isn't much point in drawing it out for as long as they did. That just serves to take away from the natural suspense of the plot. In any case, it's a minor point, all things considered, and can perhaps be chalked up to the fact that this is Naoyuki Onda's first film.

With regards to the look of the film, it's honestly relatively simple, some may even say minimalist. This makes it someone in opposition to the metaphysical and supernatural aspects of the plot. Perhaps this was a way of focusing our attention where it really matters. Even though there are ghosts and portals to other worlds all over the place, at it's heart, Chronus is a down to earth story of love and self discovery - to give it some sort of ultra-stylish aesthetic (kind of like Bleach, honestly) would make it feel like something it fundamentally isn't.

Though it isn't my favorite thing in the world (honestly, I wasn't expecting it to be, anyway), I walked away from Chronus liking it a lot more than I assumed I would. One of the reasons I like anime anthology films is because they're able to tell so many different kinds of stories, and so many of them are able to give you something surprising. Chronus is both able to surprise you and do a good job at telling a conventional story, which is a fairly rare combination. If this is the kind of talent the Young Animator Training Project is churning out, then the anime industry will be in good hands for years to come.

When Infomercial Hosts Go Insane - Ramen Joy

I wanted this post to be about something that would make everybody laugh. But more than that - I wanted it to be about something so ridiculous that everyone who read it would basically have an aneurysm when they were done. Luckily, as I was browsing through my folder of bad infomercials (yes, this is a real thing that I have), I discovered what can only be called the perfect subject. And it has to do with "America's Foremost Cooking Product Expert" (their words, not mine), Cathy Mitchell.

Those are the eyes of Satan.

Cathy Mitchell has been peddling her wares on TV since at least the early '90s, with things like the Snackmaster, and Microcrisp, which is some aluminum foil-like thing you wrap your food in that basically turns your microwave into an oven. Ladies and Gentlemen, the future is officially now.

Despite the obvious kitschy nature of everything she sold, I always kind of enjoyed watching her infomercials. Unlike Billy Mays, whose entire persona consisted of screaming at you, Cathy Mitchell came off like you were watching your grandmother: she was warm, comforting, and a little bit white trash.

The thing with Cathy, though, is that she was already kind of up there in years when she started, so when we got into the 21st Century, I think dementia started to kick in a bit. A few years ago, she released a new cookbook called Dump Cakes, which achieved minor meme status due to its rather unfortunate name and the fact that she more or less just throws a bunch of shit in her pot without a second thought. Here's the video for reference.

Definitely a bit ridiculous, especially the agonizing way she says "AND FINISH WITH A CAN OF SODA!!!" Fucking hell, ordinarily you need the assistance of Columbia's finest cultural export to get that much energy. In any case, when I saw that video I assumed that good ol' Cathy couldn't get any more bizarre. Oh, how wrong I was. Soon afterward, I discovered another of her new cookbooks that, to me, nobody else in the world knew about. The infomercial for it wasn't even on YouTube. I need to spread the word about this - it's just too fucking weird to keep to myself. I present you with Ramen Joy.

Yes, this is an entire cookbook based around how to make full meals and desserts using Ramen as the primary ingredient. I'll give her one thing: it takes an almost fathomless amount of creativity to think of an idea this profoundly stupid. She may chuckle slightly at the notion of her new book, but shit, this woman is earnest about it. Look at this picture.

She bought an entire fucking laundry basket full of ramen! And it cost her under $10! And apparently, with all that ramen, you can make enough recipes such that your family can eat a different meal for the next 30 days. We see a bunch of those recipes, including ramen-encrusted shrimp and ramen tacos. But the most mind-boggling has to be the ramen sliders, which you can see here.

There are about seven billion reasons why this is wrong. I mean, it looks like you just take a hamburger, and replace the buns with...ramen? Like, I assume it's not just the uncooked ramen, because why would anyone do that. But how in the silver fuck is pasta an acceptable substitute for bread? Seriously, can you find anyone who's ever thought, "man, what would make this reuben so much better is if I exchanged the rye bread with fucking fettuccine alfredo." No. Absolutely fucking not.

We're then given a few quick recipes in rapid succession. Full disclosure: because I was so morbidly curious the first time I saw this video (and more importantly, because I happened to have all the ingredients in my house at the time), I actually made one of the recipes. It was the one with the ground beef, ramen, ketchup, and the can of cola. I substituted the ketchup for marinara sauce, because that was a bit less trashy, but yes, I made that. And how was it? You know, that fucking can of cola ruined it - the entire thing had an aftertaste of Coke. Maybe it would have been alright without it, but it seems like Cathy Mitchell is contractually obligated to insert cans of soda into every one of her recipes now.

So, the other recipes. The ramen pizza is just as bizarre as the ramen sliders, but aside from that, I see a common thread running through all this shit. Honestly, all these recipes are kind of just normal recipes that happen to have ramen added to them. The chicken casserole is more or less a chicken casserole...with ramen. The ramen mandarin salad is the biggest insult in the entire show though - it's literally, literally a salad with uncooked ramen sprinkled on top. Look at this shit!

This brings up an interesting, almost existential point. Are these recipes supposed to save us money? I don't see how they can - I mean, you have to buy all the other ingredients, and there are a whole lot of other ingredients. If they're not supposed to save us money, then I suppose we're supposed to be impressed by the novelty of using fucking ramen to make all these things? If that novelty even exists, it wears off pretty quickly. Honestly, I don't think that it does. I think most people are in my boat - they take one look at these things, and they think, this is a goddamn abomination.

Nothing makes that point clearer than by looking at the desserts. Ramen truffles! And my favorite, GRANDMA'S RAMEN APPLE PIE.

Alright, first of all, how dare you assume to know anything about my grandma. Furthermore, what grandmother in these United States would ever, ever even consider, for one goddamn second, to make apple pie out of ramen? Instead of, oh, I dunno, maybe making pie crust from scratch, like normal old people do? For the fuck's sake, I don't even know how to continue without sounding like a lunatic.

I have no idea how successful this book was. I can only assume it was a colossal failure, and that explains why I've never seen it mentioned anywhere. But this isn't the kind of failure that should be buried forever - this is the kind of failure that needs to remain at the forefront of our consciousness for a long, long time, one that will constantly remind us that when human beings really apply themselves, they can not only produce bad ideas, they can produce ideas so bad that it causes those of us that have been blessed with the gifts of common sense and sanity to question whether we have indeed made any progress in the few thousand years that we've been masters of this planet.

I Can Edit Star Wars Better Than George Lucas

Sometimes I forget that I occasionally do cool shit.

Recently, I was reminded of a cool little project I did a little over two years ago, called Star Wars: The Fall of the Galactic Republic. Basically, I edited together the three films of the Prequel Trilogy, in order to cut out all the really shitty stuff and to make them a bit easier to watch (read: better). Apparently, it was somewhat of a success - it received millions of hits on YouTube.

How was I reminded of it? The other day, I got an email saying the video had received another comment on YouTube. This was impressive, seeing as how the video was taken down in February due to copyright issues (I'm not bitter - honestly I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did). Either way, I still have a master copy, and so I took the opportunity to rewatch and reflect.

One of the biggest complaints that the Prequels received was due to the inclusion of C3P0. Most people found the idea that Anakin had built C3PO to help his mother was just stupid, and his role in the film was more or less just fan service (in the worst sense of that term). I agreed, and took it upon myself to purge him entirely from the film. This was surprisingly easy - editing his scenes didn't interrupt the narrative flow of the movie at all. In fact, from an editing perspective, it seemed like his scenes ware more or less all thrown in haphazardly, without regard to what was going on around them, which to me just gives more weight to the fan service theory.

Another thing I was seriously proud of is the change I made to Anakin's character development. The Plinkett Review of Attack of the Clones hit the nail on the proverbial head: Anakin is an asshole from start to finish, which kind of diminishes the impact of a series of films designed to trace his fall to the dark side. The notes I made while preparing for the edit says it most bluntly: "Make Anakin less of a douche." So I did - I had to cut out quite a bit of some of the incendiary dialogue in Attack of the Clones to make it happen, but I think it worked pretty well.

Speaking of that fuck-nut Anakin. Everyone remembers his love scenes from Attack of the Clones, and how incredible they are. If not, here's something to remind you.

Yeah, how could you possibly forget? All that shit is taken out. In the official movies, they kind of just fall in love, really really awkwardly. In my edit, I left in a few scenes of flirtation, which culminates in their first kiss when they're dragged out into the coliseum to be executed. I don't know if it's actually good - all I know is that I like it a whole lot better than what George Lucas shat out.

If there's anything I wish I could change, it would be with regards to the music. Editing around John Williams' score was more or less impossible, which means that there are some kind of abrupt changes to the background score. I tried to make it as seamless as possible, but honestly there wasn't much I could do. Maybe if I knew more about advanced video editing techniques, I could think of a way to better edit around all that. Either way, for what was essentially a hobby project that I did before I went off to grad school, I think it's pretty cool.

Now, if you want to watch it (and I know you want to stroke my ego and watch it!), even though YouTube has it taken down, I put it back up on my Google Drive account, which you can check out here. Have fun!